Saturday, May 12, 2012

You Said What??!!???

Do you ever wish you could suck back in the words you just spit out of your mouth? Has someone ever said something to you that from the moment your ears heard them you heard nothing else they had to say?

As the end of the year gets closer and closer, I think it is harder at times to remember to be patient and understanding. I often forget the power my words can carry to either make a situation better or sometimes be fuel on the fire. I have had questions and comments about whether the brain of a little one understands the difference when I say things like When you are quiet, I will begin to I will begin when you are quiet. There are times I too doubt the language Conscious Discipline says to use.

Here is one of the things I love about CD. Becky Bailey explains how our brains process information and how that information can cause us to shift to the 3 main areas of the brain: the brain stem that asks Am I safe?, to the limbic system that asks Am I loved?, to the frontal lobe that asks What can I learn from this? There is even a song on one of her cd's that teaches the kiddos about the different parts. It is adorable and called "On Top of My Brain Stem". I have taught my kiddos this song before to help them understand that when they get upset and shift down to the brain stem how important it is for them to breathe and calm down.

I have attended several CD workshops led by people who have been trained by Becky Bailey. At one of the workshops, we learned about shifting from the language of FEAR to the language of LOVE. I wanted to share some of the ways you can do that with the words you say. The words in red are the language of fear and the words in blue are the language of love.

*Look how you made her feel.
See her face. Her face is saying I feel sad. I don't like it when you push me.

*Is that any of your business?
Are you telling me to be helpful or hurtful?

This is one that needs to be taught in great detail about when to come and get your help. The book Tattle Tongue is great about teaching when to come and get the teacher's help.

*Are you bleeding or hurt or dying?
Did you like it?

This is where you remind the kiddos to use their BIG VOICE. This is really incredible. My kiddos really don't tattle and haven't for quite awhile. I have been going a little nuts lately because the phrase I don't like it when you__________. Please stop. has been repeated many, many, many times throughout the day but they are solving the problems by themselves and most are not big issues where I need to get involved.

*Do you want to go to the office (move your clip, get your name on the board, sit in time-out on the playground, etc)
Are you willing to do that again in a helpful way or would you be willing to calm down and start over? What do you choose?

*You are driving me crazy, I am tired of you ___________, etc.
I am going to calm down. When I feel calm enough to solve the problem, I will let you know. For now, go back to your seat.

I had to remind myself of this with one of my kiddos who gets upset and angry very easily. I knew I could not help him through this problem because I was feeling irritated and frustrated. I had to remember that the only person you can change is yourself. I needed to pivot. This is an amazing activity in CD that I will share more about soon. Here is a little bit of the message I needed to communicate to the child:

I don't like it when you crawl off and start kicking chairs. I feel scared when you start kicking the chairs because you are going to hurt the person sitting next to you and you might hurt yourself. You face is telling me you are frustrated and upset. Something must have happened. I understand that you might be feeling frustrated because _______________ but you can handle it. You may calm down at your table or go find a friend to help you come down. When you are calm I will come help you with the problem.

Since this is a child who gets upset very easily when things are not going his way, we have been working on learning to work through his upset and helping him to understand that he can handle it and it is not the end of the world.

As I type this, I am thinking of all of the situations we help our kiddos through...both the good and the bad. I see the difference when I notice and celebrate more the helpful and kind things I see. I know each one of you is touching more hearts than you may ever realize. I wanted to share again this poem in case some of you are new and haven't read it yet because not only are you a teacher but you are also an Everyday Hero.

Moving on..........

Congratulations to Chrissy for winning my little giveaway! I will be emailing you soon! =)

I hope this summer to go chapter by chapter through the CD book and talk about ways to use CD in your classroom from day 1. I would love to know if you would like to be part of that and what would you like me to share.

From My Heart to Yours,

45 heart notes:

Rene said...

I would love to go chapter by chapter with you!! I have the books and started reading some but had to stop because of other committments. My fit thrower was horrible Friday. It is so hard when they come in the door that way first thing in the morning. I want to feel better equiped next year to deal with kids like him!! I know it is only me who can change myself and I can't change him but the way I look at the situation can be changed. Thanks for your blogs on CD!

Sarah said...

Wow! What great thoughts. I have two boys who are very impulsive, which doesn't always bring out the best in me. This has caused me to think a lot!

Jaycee Weaver and Lohren Nolan said...

Thank you for your uplifting posts! I love them!

Lohren Nolan

twilliams said...

Wow!Thanks for the words to use with the little boy in my reading room that has complicated anger issues. I have been about at the end of my rope trying to get him to understand why he shouldn't be kicking desks and lamming his fists on the desk. I think the words you shared will help me with him. I do really love him, he was in my homeroom last year, so I know what some of his issues are, his dad was recently sent back to jail which I think most of his anger stems from.

Thanks for this post,

Trish said...

I would love to learn more! I am ordering this book and a bunch of other things from the CD website! I actually met Dr. Bailey at an NAEYC conference in Chicago or was it Dallas? I can't remember, but what an awesome lady! I have always been interested in Conscious Discipline and I would LOVE to use it in my first grade classroom right from the beginning in the fall. Thanks! I HEART your blog!!

Laura said...

I love this post! Thank you for sharing! We should be truly mindful of our words! Thank you!!

Peace, Love, and First Grade

Kristin said...

Yes -- chapter by chapter, please!! I am very interested!!!! :) I'd love it this summer so I can gear up for the new year!
A Teeny Tiny Teacher

Jessica Stanford said...

Love this post! Thanks for the reminders. Especially at this point in the year!

Jessica Stanford
Mrs. Stanford's Class Blog
My TpT Store

Mrs. Wright said...

I love this post, because it lets us know were not alone, it allows us to know that other teachers have students who kick things get angry easy ect. I am so glad you shared this, I can't wait to learn more.

Jennifer said...

Hi Heather. Thanks for being my first follower! I am interested in going chapter by chapter this summer. My school will be implementing PBIS next year, so this would be wonderful. I will order the book this weekend.


Jen R. @ The Teachers' Cauldron said...

we had this as an inservice - love and logic type thing....I agree with a lot of it, but it is so hard to consciously (is that the right one?? lol) change how we say things...but it gets easier over time....although some little sweeties just make you say things without thinking! ha!

Stacyfud said...

I just got my book and plan on totally studying it this summer. I love your posts.

Anonymous said...

I would love to be a part of your book study. I read the book a couple of years ago, but am still struggling with implementation. I love, love, love your blog and your posts really touch my heart and help me remember why I am a teacher! Often as I am reading a post, I think we could definitely be kindred spirits. On a less serious note, what font did you use on the Hero poem and lots of your other stuff? Thanks! ~nicole

Chrissy said...

I can't believe I won the giveaway! Thanks, Heather! I'm looking forward to reading Conscious Discipline this summer!
 Chrissy

First Grade Found Me

Mrs. H. said...

I love this post and definitely needed to remind myself of these things. I just ordered the book online and would love to study it chapter by chapter with you this summer! Thanks for giving me the motivation to go ahead and buy it:)!
Once Upon A First Grade Adventure

Sara at school said...

I really enjoy yr posts that remind me to treat these kiddos like I would want my own to be treated. I'd love to see what you have to share this summer.

Kristin said...

I would love to go through the book with you in a book studyM tell us exactly which book so that those of us that might not have it can get before you start and read along and ask questions! This would be so helpful to many of us! Thanks for the offer! :)

Miss Rebecca said...

Such a good reminder! I'm now following you here and on tpt. You have great products and ideas!

Keeping it Captivating

Jennifer said...

I would love to go chapter by chapter with you. I just posted on my blog how I will be reading Conscious Discipline with two of my coworkers this summer, all because of reading about it on your blog!

Delighted in Second

Unknown said...

Wow! Thanks for this post! I am definitely guilty of saying some (if not all) of those red phrases! Yikes, that is not good! I am definitely going to really think about using those positive phrases, starting tomorrow. My patience is definitely thinning, I think it may help.

I would LOVE to go chapter by chapter with you this summer. It will be like an online book club! Please let us know when you want to start so that we can make sure we have a copy of the book to read along with you.

Thank you so much for sharing your poem also!

Happy Sunday and warm wishes for a wonderful week at school! ~Heidi V.

Alyce said...

Wonderful post and reminder about words. I love CD and hope that someday I will be Mrs. Bookbinder. But for now I will do my best and would love to be in a book study this summer if you have one. I'm your newest follower!

LjP said...

Thanks for following my blog. I'm excited to follow you, as well! You are the 2nd person to mention this CD book to me, and I think I'm going to have to read it! It sounds very powerful. Thanks for the reminder about the power of words!

Jennifer K. said...

Heather, I so wish you were my district's CD presenter! Ours didn't teach anything about the difference between the language of love and the language of fear. Reading you blog today has helped me see the difference. I will be more watchful of how I say things now!

Jennifer @ Herding Kats In Kindergarten

Jessi said...

Wow! What a powerful reminder to be mindful of what we say. Thanks for sharing!

Jessi C.
Life on the Fourth

Rebekah said...

Thank you so much for choosing to break CD apart in chunkfuls. You have a great way of conveying your experiences using it. Please keep sharing. Would love to be a part of it.

Liliris said...

Congrats! I've given you the One Lovely Blog award. Stop by to check out all the details.

Liliris @ The Fourth Grade Garden

Stephanie McMahon said...

That was a great reminder. The end of the year is so busy that it is easy to not stop and think about what the best way to handle everything is. Thanks!

Mrs. Reimann said...

I'm such a ding dong. I was on your blog the other day and didn't make the connection with the book until I read your post on my blog and came on over. I'm so in on the book study.

Little Treasures

S. Landry said...

As everyone keeps saying over and over, your posts are so uplifting and reassuring to all of us! I know that lately I've been not so careful with my words and I wish I had done better. I would love to participate in your book study. Your posts have truly helped refresh me and shown me something that will help me remember why I teach and not let those certain darlings drag me down while I work to lift them up. Your poem is wonderful and truly inspiring! Thank you!

Kerrie Sherrell said...

Love reading this! This time of the year it is so easy to forget to watch what you say!

You are one of my giveaway winners! Congrats!! Send me your email soon, so I can send you The Giving Tree Unit! Thanks again for following!!


Miss Claire said...

Oh, boy, how I needed to read this! I have been having such a hard time speaking with love lately. I had one of those, "What did I just say?!" moments today and reading this post was so helpful! Thanks!!


Live, Laugh, Love, Teach

sspeller said...

In our county we have been taking a year-long once a month CD training. We are also going to see Becky IN PERSON this summer for the week-long seminar, but I would LOVE to go through it chapter by chapter again... you learn SO much more each time you re-read it, or watch the video clips again... the more we practice and are exposed to it, the better we get. I think one of the most important things we can do to get the CD message out there is give practical, easy-to-use and imitate examples of what it looks like and sounds like in the classroom. You are doing a wonderful job of explaining that through your blog!!!

Miss T said...

Couldn't find an e-mail for you but I'm just double checking for my giveaway that you'll still be able to donate a cd. Thanks!

Journey of a Substitute Teacher

barbara said...

i would also love to join your"summer book club" and go through the book :)

Katie Lawson said...

Thanks for the reminders! Sometimes it is hard to remember how our words affect their little hearts. :)

Candace Watkins said...

Wow this was very insightful! I really needed this, I only wish I would have seen this three weeks ago because now I only have 2.5 days left. I can't wait to hear more!


005 Watkins' Way

Kayla Holcomb said...

So glad you stopped by my page! I had never heard of Becky Bailey and I am so excited to learn more! I am a spced resource teacher and can't wait to dive into her books this summer!

Swimming Into Learning said...

I would love to go through the book with you. We had a workshop about CD this spring and we are working on using it at our school. I'm looking for resources to read so that I can learn more about it this summer.