No, I didn't!!!!
Yes, you did!!!!
My right eye starts twitching.
I have the urge to bop a kiddo or 2 on the head.
I want to
But, I know that will only solve the problem temporarily...even though, I might feel better if I do a little head bopping (Which I never do). =)
I would love if every day was like this...
(I DO try and help my kiddos see that you CAN disagree with someone but arguing about it won't solve the problem.)
Part of me would like to try this...
In the past, we talked about telling the other person I disagree with you but I am not going to argue with you because I care about you.
I noticed that this was giving some kiddos the excuse to get out of their hurtful behavior....especially when they had done something intentionally.
This year I started thinking about the WHY behind a child not wanting to just apologize(or admit to the problem) ...when a lot of the things happen on accident.
My kiddos get very, very good about not tattling and using their BIG VOICE. They might tell a friend I didn't like it when you stepped on my foot. Most of the time a kiddo will apologize and we move on...no big deal.
But sometimes, I have a kiddo who will argue with me OR anything breathing about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! I am sure none of you have kiddos like that, right??!!??? =)
I remembered something I learned from Ruby Payne who is the guru of working and teaching children of poverty. One of the big things a child of poverty will always do is try and save face. This can be why they laugh in your face when you correct them or smile when you talk to them about their poor/bad choices.
If they are laughing in our face, they REALLY don't want to look bad in the eyes of their friends.
So, here is what we have been working on....
Child 1: I didn't like it when you kicked me in the back (This is when everyone was moving up toward the pocket chart.)
Child 2: I didn't kick you!!!
***instead of the Yes, you did....we now have NEW words***
Child 1: I am not saying you did it on purpose. I think it happened on accident when you were scooting up.
Child 2: Oh, I am sorry. I didn't realize that happened. I am sorry for accidentally kicking you.
Child 1: I forgive you.
Here is the part I really like: Child 2 takes ownership of their behavior AND they have to then find a way to make the situation better depending on what happened.
So, our new helpful sentence stems are:
I am not saying you did it on purpose. I think it happened when....
You maybe didn't realize you....
I am not mad at you. I'm just trying to help you understand you what might have happened.
This works well with my Hoovers and my kiddos who are a Frosty (prone to HUGE meltdowns)! =)
I always need to remember to try and stay calm when they start to fuss and argue. =)
Now, some BIG news....
Heather's Heart is now on FB =)
Click on my button to go to my FB page. I would love for you to like me there. =)
Please let me know if the link works...it was acting all wonkers.
Be sure and check out my giveaway too. =)
How do you handle fussing and arguing? I would love to know. =)
From My Heart to Yours,