I actually think my room was dirtier than before I left...
But that could be because too many days in my pajamas has made me a little slow to process what reality looks like when I leave the house.
I am sad to say that I am not sure what all I acomplished??!!??!!
On my drive home, all of the tears I have been holding back came flowing out. This is not good for a 25 minute drive home when it is getting dark outside. I thought at one point I might have to pull over because I was crying so hard.
2 people I love very much are dying. My heart is breaking. When I see my 3 nieces beginning to understand what it is like to lose someone you love, it makes my heart break even harder.
Although I have a sense of peace because they are believers, that doesn't make things any easier.
I love my kiddos and our sweet School Family. I have tons of ideas and activities I am ready to do with them...but then a memory pops into my mind and my heart breaks and the tears come again...school then becomes not where my mind or heart is.
My grief and hurting hurt will go with me on Monday morning. It is not something I can leave in the car before I go inside. Our kiddos are like this too. They cannot leave their problems at home. They follow them into our classrooms each day. These problems often are not shared with us in big heart to heart talks. These problems and worries show up in other ways. We have to be ready to listen. One of my favorite thoughts from Conscious Discipline is Our children are either extending love or asking for love.
We don't understand and will never understand tragedies and sad times. God calls us to lean not on our own understanding but acknowledge Him.
God hears our prayers...He might just have a different answer to them than the one we want. In the broken times, God is working on our hearts...when we lean on Him, we can have the strength to make it through the storms.
When I am going through hard times or I am praying for others going through a hard time, I always think of this song. I think God uses us at times to help Him calm the storms.
Remember, we all have storms we face...especially our kiddos who won't have their raincoats and umbrellas to tell us to look out. We don't have to pretend to be strong for them. They need to know that regardless of what they think we don't have superpowers...our hearts break too.
Treasure your little ones on Monday. Hug tight and hold on to your loved ones. Be there for others through the storms of life...wipe the tears and the rain. Remember God's promise of the rainbow.
From My Heart to Yours,